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Funny Christmas Decorating Poem
by Josie
(East Texas, USA)
The wife and kids have gone to town, the day dawned bright and blue.
A perfect late November day with lots for me to do.
From the attic bring the boxes: reindeer, sleigh, St. Nick.
Manger scene or three wise men ... which lawn décor to pick?
Candy canes with lights atop to line the sidewalk brick.
Then drape the bushes in a row with blinking lights, so slick!
Drag the ladder from the shed, set up the feet “just so.”
Hoist each reindeer to my neck as up the roof I go.
Huff and puff I’m nearly there, one more and there’ll be eight.
Down and then back up I go, “Hooray, it’s looking great!”
All a sudden the wind rose up and blew my ladder down,
leaving me atop the roof, my family still in town.
Not to worry, here’s a neighbor driving down the lane.
I wave both arms in frantic hurry, but all is done in vain.
“Merry Christmas!” he waves back, “Your house is looking grand!”
As he drives by I faintly hear “Might call you for a hand...”
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Funny Christmas Pets Poem
by G.P.
(Philadelphia, PA, USA)
Thanksgiving's over, the bird has been cooked.
The food has been eaten, it was one for the books.
Shopping on Friday, battling the malls,
it’s now Christmas season, let's deck the halls.
Bought the tree, the stockings and wreath.
Came home and found the star for the tree.
Decorated "just so," everything in place,
the tree was perfect, an image of grace.
Dimmed the lights and plugged in the tree.
It lit up the house for all to see.
Finished at last, it's Christmas time.
Gifts for you, the kids, pets, and mine.
Went up to bed, left the tree burning bright,
to rest to go sledding as the snow fell that night.
When CRASH! What a clatter! Good Lord, what’s that?
We found that the dog had tree'd the cat!
Presents were scattered, ornaments down,
the cat watched the dog, who barked from the ground.
The noise it was frightful, the tree was a mess
as it slowly fell over and came to rest
on the happless pup who, at its base sat,
barking intently at the family cat.
A word to the wise about pets one or three:
Save some trouble and brace well your tree,
so it doesn’t go flying as the pets run around,
caught up when holiday excitement abounds.
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Funny Christmas Mistletoe Poem
by Cecile
(Washington, D.C.)
Once upon a Christmas time not so long ago,
a maiden strolled along the lane and spied some mistletoe.
Nature’s gift of green and white aloft in this tree’s branches,
shall snare the man she loves with kisses and sweet glances.
Light of feet and young of body, she nimbly reached her goal.
She plucked the spray off from its roost, and hatched her plan so bold.
The sprig would hang at hall that night to celebrate the season.
The young man that she sought would have to kiss her for that reason.
Evening came, with starry eyes our lass looked for Prince Charming.
She was dressed in green and red, her manner quite disarming.
She nodded to the minister and wife, not notice their hasty beckoning.
There he stood as she knew he would, she approached her time of reckoning.
"Ah, look on high, good sir, see the mistletoe above you?"
His eyes went wide, he backed away without really meaning to.
Impulsively, she stretched her arm, saw horrid splotches of red.
Glimpsed her reflection, saw more of the same, she turned from the room and fled.
Here is the moral of our silly tale: if dreaming of Christmas kisses,
be sure 'fore reaching for mistletoe, it doesn’t give you itchy, red rashes!
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Funny Christmas Chimney Poem
by Ben
(Concord, NH, USA)
It all started when my son looked at me
and said "We live in a flat Daddy, there’s no chimney,
how will Santa bring presents for me
if he doesn’t know we've got no chimney?"
I paused and stumbled as he stared at me,
"Perhaps we could, um, er, leave out a key?"
"But Daddy, what if someone, bent on one knee
finds it before him, and commits burglary?"
"I'll wait by the door, to see what I can see
and I'll catch anyone who is acting sneakily."
"But Daddy, what if you get poor Santa instead?"
"I’ll know to look out for someone dressed in red."
"But Daddy, what if he can't work out our lock?"
"I'll wait up for him, he'll come at ten o'clock."
"How do you know that he'll be here on time?"
"I know Santa Claus, he's a friend of mine!"
"But Daddy, why then are we leaving him a key,
why not just tell him that we have no chimney?"
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